We explore five top tips for coming back from the brink – whatever your brink may be.
Paul Mort had everything – a business that made a lot of money, a beautiful wife and kids, a great home in the sun, friends, and respect. He was living the life and things couldn’t have been better.
So how come he found himself alone, on a cliff, thinking of ending it all?
If it hadn’t been for his wife pleading with him, he might have gone through with it. But he didn’t. And since then he has completely turned his life around, now using his story and past to support and mentor men and women to become UNSTOPPABLE!
When I caught up with him recently for a typically wide-ranging chat on one of my podcasts for The Matt Haycox Show, we found a lot of common ground.
It struck me afterwards that there were a few things that came out of our chat that made all the difference to him and rang a bell for me – so here are Five Top Tips for Coming Back from the Brink!
1. Don’t use mental health as an excuse
Paul and I have both been to the edge – albeit in different ways – and come back. And he’s battled with mental health diagnoses along the way. He is clear though, it’s sometimes not the answer. We agreed, that sometimes, mental health is used as a bit of an excuse. Because it almost feels like – particularly with young people – almost everyone you meet suffers from anxiety or says they’re bipolar or depressive.
First of all, this can be seen as taking away from the people who truly struggle with serious mental health problems. It can be almost trivialising. Paul also said something interesting about where these feelings come from. He said, “People think you catch them, but you don’t catch them, they’re all created. You don’t catch anxiety. Depression is not something that you catch. It’s not fucking contagious! They are created through your own physiology!”
It’s true, they are created through what you are focused on. And there’s one thing that the people that speak to me about depression focus on – the past… they don’t feel like they have a compelling future. They don’t see a future that they’re excited about and haven’t created goals or a mission.
Paul was put on Lithium for his mental health situation, but it became part of the problem, and actually nearly caused him serious harm when he wanted to come off it.
2. Don’t lose sight of your purpose
Paul is pretty clear about why things started going wrong for him. He says it was because he lost his true sense of purpose. It was like he had climbed up a ladder of success and kicked a few people off on the way up. He’d sacrificed a lot – including his health and mental health, friends, and some family – he almost lost his marriage – and by the time he was in trouble, he was five stone overweight too!
He hadn’t spoken to his parents, for over eight months… And when he got to the top of the ladder, he discovered it was leaning against the wrong building!
He had to ask himself – “Is this it? Is this what I want?”
That is why it is so important to have a purpose that includes more meaningful things than just money. And hold on to that. Now, we are not trivialising money, we both love money, making money and without it, we can’t do all the things we want to do. But we agreed, everyone needs a purpose other than money.
3. Be prepared to take risks
Both Paul and I share the same attitude to risk. We are prepared to take a risk, and we know that is one of the keys to our success.
But we are talking about a particular kind of risk. As I always say, if the outcome doesn’t involve death or bankruptcy, then does it really matter?
And even if it does involve bankruptcy, then that’s not quite as bad. Because you can still come back from that! You can come back from the brink.
I believe that 80%, 90% of people hate their job, hate their partner and probably aren’t too fond of their mates either. And for me, if you can’t get those three things right, then nothing else in life gets in place.
People stay in those situations – that they don’t like, that they hate, that they complain about – simply because it’s familiar. It’s certain. And it’s predictable. Most of the change is unpredictable, uncertain, and unfamiliar. That’s why people stay in lives that they don’t even like.
They can’t handle uncertainty. They can’t handle unfamiliarity. They can’t handle unpredictability.
You absolutely have to be prepared to take a risk – that doesn’t mean not making decisions carefully, you just need to understand the risk, make a judgement and make a change. If you can’t handle that, you’ll find yourself locked into a situation you don’t much like but can’t change.
4. Get in shape
Paul and I both really appreciate the benefits of a fitter lifestyle and I was interested to hear how his journey back from suicidal tendencies was driven by getting physically fitter.
He told me that it was boxing that first got him back on track. He had started slowly getting his act together when he started boxing. He had never actually fought before. He recalls, “I got punched in the face by my friend who was a boxing coach, and I was like – fucking hell! I like a bit of this! And I ended up dropping all that weight and went on this mad fitness journey, found Jui Jitsu, and started helping other people. I got a lot from seeing other people transform as well.”
As Paul said, without sounding like a ‘vegan cross fitter’… we both know that your mental health needs physical support. You can’t have one without the other. Paul says, ‘Think about this for a second, right? And I learned this in August. If thoughts are the language of the brain. Feelings are the language of the body. So, most people want to feel great. They want to feel better, so if you experience emotions through your body, why would you treat it like shit and then wonder why you feel like shit?
There’s an old saying that I love as well – I think it’s from Robin Sharma – he says, ‘You can’t be legendary if you have no energy”. I think physical energy is so important – and you get that from getting fitter!’
5. Be a lighthouse for other people
Paul’s journey back from the brink ended up with him as the current UK Master Coach of the Year! He thrives on sharing his experiences, and helping others – making them unstoppable!
He has a great saying that I want to share – because it rings true for me too. Paul says, ‘the best invitation you can give to somebody, is the invitation of example!’
That’s why Paul spends his time coaching men around the world to reclaim their power, take control, and find clarity, direction and inner peace while lighting a fire under their ass to chase their dreams and lead their families.
So, as he says, ‘If a boat wants to come into the harbour, that’s all well and good. But I’m not gonna tug at that boat, trying to drag it into port. That’s just too exhausting for me. I am the lighthouse. I can show you the way, by sharing what I’ve been through – you are going to have to do some work too!’
It was such a pleasure talking with Paul – there’s so much more on the Podcast to explore and I genuinely think there’s some great wisdom on there – plus a few laughs! So make sure you listen to the full episode.
