Anti Vaxxers Prepare for Worst as First Person Receives Pfizer Vaccine

Taming of the flu begins as Keenan and then Shakespeare get jab

By Ricky Browne

Pity poor Margaret Keenen who at the age of 90 has become Bill Gates’ first victim in his evil plot to control the world — or at least according to the logic behind many anti vaxxers.

Keenan, from Coventry in Britian, was the first person in the nation and even the world, to receive an anti-covid vaccination outside of trial. And if the anti-vaxxers are to be believed, she was also the first to be implanted with a microchip which will allow Gates or some other tyrant to watch her every move. Who knows? Maybe he’ll even be able to control her thoughts.

Last week Britain became the first country to approve the Pfizer vaccine.

Bill Gates was trending on Twitter, on the day that the Pfizer vaccine was first used on the unsuspecting and suspecting public.

“I wonder how Bill Gates is going to spend his first day in control of Margaret Keenan, 90, from Coventry” tweeted Cornelius Mendez.

By Tuesday afternoon the tweet had received 112,000 likes and counting, no doubt showing the great concern that thousands have over the development. It was also retweeted 19,000 times and received about 1000 comments.

Margaret herself seemed blissfully unaware of the danger she had put herself in.

The Irish-born grandmother, who turns 91 next week, said the vaccine was the “best early birthday present”.

“I feel so privileged to be the first person vaccinated against Covid-19,” Keenan said, wearing a deceptively festive T-shirt with a penguin and the words Merry Christmas.

“It’s the best early birthday present I could wish for because it means I can finally look forward to spending time with my family and friends in the new year after being on my own for most of the year,” she said.

And then in a most alarming comment, she endorsed the vaccine and promoted others to follow in her footsteps.

“My advice to anyone offered the vaccine is to take it. If I can have it at 90, then you can have it too,” Keenan said.

She received the injection at 6:31 at the University Hospital in Coventry, receiving the first batch of 800,000 Pfizer vaccinations that are to be used in the next few weeks.

But even more alarming, especially for fans of English Literature, was the second victim, William Shakespeare. At first it was not known what affect the vaccine would have on the Bard’s body of literature.

Fortunately, though 81-year-old William might come from near Stratford-upon-Avon, Shakespeare’s birthplace, it turns out there was no time travel involved. So that at least could put one fear to rest.

Nevertheless, severe lack of iambic pentametre may have been an early indication of how the Gates plot would progress.

Anti-vaxxers were no doubt looking for something a little more poetic. Perhaps, “By the pricking of my thumbs, Something wicked this way comes. ” Or perhaps something more seasonal like” Now is the winter of our discontent.“

But instead, Shakespeare only noted that “it’s groundbreaking isn’t it?” adding that “it will make a difference to our lives.”

In total, more than four million people in Britain should receive the vaccination by the end of the month — propelling Gates to global domination in his evil plot, at least according to the logic of some anti-vaxxers.

In actual fact, both Keenan and Shakespeare may be safe for at least another 20 days as they won’t get the full dose of the vaccine until the 21st day. And the vaccine won’t be considered to be fully active until 28 days after taking the first injection.

The vaccination will first be given to people most at risk of the disease — starting with people over the age of 80, along with some health and care personnel.

The lack of concern over the Gates plot was clear even at the highest levels of government. Harking back to the end of World War II, UK Health Secretary Matt Hancock has dubbed Tuesday V-day.

“Today marks the start of the fightback against our common enemy, the coronavirus,” he said.

Meanwhile, Prime Minister Boris Johnson visited a hospital in London and tried to reassure people that getting the vaccination was “good for you and good for the whole country”.

The Prime Minister went on to praise the first victim, saying, “it is really very moving to hear her say she is doing it for Britain, which is exactly right – she is protecting herself but also helping to protect the entire country,” Mr Johnson said.

In other Bill-related news, the billionaire has predicted that there will be as many as six different vaccines approved and ready for use by the first quarter of 2021.

Global domination is only weeks away, it would appear.

More than 60,000 people are known to have died from the coronavirus in Britain this year, and more than a million people across the globe. Many more people are likely to die if they are not vaccinated, and many people see this new Pfizer vaccine as a light at the end of a very long tunnel.